I was having a late lunch by myself when I got a message from a friend, “Anthony Bourdain died”. I couldn’t believe it… I still can’t. He was a huge influence in my life and while I didn’t know the man personally, he was a friend.

I first found out about him through No Reservations, which aired through Discovery Travel & Living and travelled to different places, places I wouldn’t even imagine going to, weekly, with him. I religiously followed the show, envied his work and the perks that came with it.

Through the show, I got to visit strip clubs, dine with interesting people and didn’t have to disrespect nor politely reject anyone who tried to offer something I cannot eat like the Icelandic fermented shark or the raw seal with the Canadian Inuits. 

And since his death, the show’s loud music introduction is stuck in my head, along with his voice. His voice was extremely recognizable, soothing and reassuring. It was after binge-watching all The Mind of a Chef episodes that I realized, “I would listen, eat and watch anything this man talks about and creates.”

The chef

He was not your ordinary chef, in fact, he stopped considering himself a chef after leaving Les Halles. He inspired me, among many others, to cook. We both admired Jacques Pépin.

“I feel that if Jacques Pepin shows you how to make an omelet, the matter is pretty much settled. That’s God talking.”

– AB

He taught me the significance of food in our daily lives and how we can trace history with it. He made me taste food without physically eating it, which I believe is an amazing talent. I don’t think anyone can do it like him. 

The writer

I read most of his books, from the infamous Kitchen Confidential to his only recipe/cookbook, Appetites (if we don’t consider the Les Halles cookbook). He was, for me, an amazing writer more than anything else. I saw one of my favourite writers in him, Hunter S. Thompson, the founder of the gonzo journalism movement, who, sadly, also ended his own life. Later on, I found out, Anthony’s writing was inspired by him. Even his cookbook is a great pleasure to read because just like everything he does, his cookbook was not just a book of recipes, it was filled with stories. And he’s is a damn good storyteller. 

The TV/video personality

From No Reservations to Parts Unknown to the Raw Craft series on Youtube, his production is unlike any other because you see his own interests in learning and sharing the knowledge. I saw a man thirsty of knowing and not being ashamed of not knowing everything. He taught me humility and gave me the courage to explore.

He visited Dubai for No Reservations days before my move here. It was August 2010, it was summer and the country was celebrating Ramadan. I downloaded the video to watch it and somehow the episode made me feel at home almost instantly in the UAE. Days after watching the episode, I asked the two guys I was sharing the apartment with to look for Bu Qtair, the now infamous fish shack by the beach (it’s no longer a shack by the beach, I also can’t find the photo we took that night). We had fish and shrimps and was drenched in sweat by the time we finished. We went to Ravi’s next. That was eight years ago. Both restaurants are no longer hidden gems but gems nonetheless.

The friend

He might be the best tour guide because he takes us to places, often unfamiliar or unpopular, but somehow as you watch his shows you feel like you’re travelling with him, as a friend. And at times, he is a friend you try to impress. But don’t try to fool him.

I strongly believe that a lot of Filipinos love Anthony Bourdain, especially after he declared Cebu’s lechon (roasted pig) as the “best pork ever”. In season 4 of No Reservations, he visited four countries based on viewer submissions. Augusto, the finalist for the Philippines, is American born. Through the episode, we get a glimpse of the diverse cuisines the Philippines has and at the same time, we got to see a Filipino-American trying to connect with his cultural heritage. And in most cases, he made us tourists in our own countries

His passing

I can go on and on about how much I love Anthony Bourdain and how much I will miss him. He is such a loss because I’m afraid no one can do what he can, as genuinely as he did. His family and friends, you and me, lost a great man. Lost a great voice. Lost a great appetite.

And we lost him to something we often don’t talk about, but it’s there. When I found out about his death, I couldn’t help but think of myself. It bothers me that a man who at the age of 61, seemed to have lived quite a full life, ended his own life. Life is not easy.

Anxieties, depression and mental disorders, there’s not a lot of things you can do to alleviate the pressure a person feels. But it sure doesn’t help when we joke about it… when we treat it as if it’s trivial. Because it’s real. It’s very real. 

Everyone has their own struggles. Death is part of life, isn’t it? It’s inevitable. The only thing we can do is to live our lives and hold the people we care about dearly. And be kind, just be generally kind. And talk but most importantly, listen.

Image: RIP Anthony Bourdain by Mauro Matos